a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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