You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
