Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
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you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
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Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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