He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
