He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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