Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i came on her dog
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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