you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
