this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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