Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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