I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
