I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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