I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
40s are totally the cure
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
