who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
