Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
