I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
