I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
