This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
