Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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