the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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