DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
