she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
