He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
