careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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