Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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