Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
