It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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