Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
