At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
COCAINE IS GR8
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
