Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
