Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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