AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
