You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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