No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
