I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
