i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my being single is dangerous.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
