I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Four minutes until I can fart!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
