i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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