Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
