cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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