I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
