I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
