Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
