dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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