a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
