You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
