Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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