He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
