Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
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Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You pole danced in your parka.
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Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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