I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
