Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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