Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
