Christians are straight up FREAKS
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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