Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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