Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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