Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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