whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
