Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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