dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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