He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
