My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
