so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
