i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
