A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize