I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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