i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
