I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
