i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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