I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
