She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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