remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
