We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
