oh god the rape fog is back!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
