Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
