just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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