Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
